Years and years ago when I thought my lot in life was to become an author who's work would be on every bestseller list available, I wrote a manuscript titled MIRRORED MIRAGE. The story was about a successful woman who had never seen herself in the mirror because she was adopted and had no point of reference. It was based on the fact that when I looked in the mirror I couldn't see me. Because I was adopted and knew nothing about my biological family, I didn't know who I was supposed to look like. Even looking at my own children didn't make it easier to see myself.
For years I heard rumors about a family in my hometown that could be my birth family. But no one would or could substantiate it. I found a person in that family and one day decided to ask her if she would be willing to take a DNA test to clear up the rumors. If the test came back negative I could put the entire issue of that family to rest. To my surprise, she agreed. She was certain the test would come back negative.
Lo and behold this week I received the results and the test proved that we were indeed biological siblings. She was floored, I was floored. But the test is what it is and neither of us can change the fact so its something we have to accept. I am now fortunate enough to have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. Unfortunately, my birth mom died a couple years ago.
I didn't know if anything would be different with the new found knowledge, yet I knew nothing would be the same. What I hadn't counted on was being able to look in the mirror and finally see myself.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
"There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle." Deepak Chopra
I've always been fascinated by puzzles; finished puzzles. Puzzles became the symbol for my life while I was trying to find my birth family. For 47 years I have searched and searched and searched to no avail. People in the town where I grew up claimed to have sudden amnesia. My adoptive parents died holding on to whatever information they knew. The information on my adoption records had been faked to lead me in the wrong direction. Everything possible was done to keep me from finding my biological family.
Surely God could hear my cries and my petitions to find out who I was. Why wouldn't He answer me? What was He waiting for? When would the time be right? Why was I being made to suffer? Was He punishing me for some misdeeds in my past? The questions were never ending.
Several years ago, I wrote a couple short stories based loosely on my life as an adoptee. Of course, I wrote the books as fictions so I could embellish events. I just knew I was going to become a bestselling author, become rich and famous and my family's lives would be changed for the better for generations to come. Well that didn't happen and again I questioned God. Why did You give me the thoughts I put into the books only to have them sit on my shelf and the shelves of the few people who supported me.
But God's timing is not my timing and whatever He chooses to do is done in a certain order. A friend of mine read my books early last year or late 2012 and when she finished reading she asked me who was I talking about. I told her 'no one in particular yet everyone, somebody, and anybody. When I told her the stories had elements of my life she said "We are going to find your birth mother." I thought to myself 'yeah, yeah, yeah' how many times have I heard that before? I thought about the tens of thousands of dollars I spent over the years searching only to come up short every time.
She called me from time to time with data she found based on a few things I heard through the years. I took notes and those notes ended up on my desk where things seem to disappear in the clutter (one day I'm going to clean out my desk). I listened politely as she gave me detail after detail about who she thought was my family. I told her my birth mother had been 19 years of age when I was born and she perused the internet until she found someone of that age, in the family I heard I was born into.
Fast forward to just recently. I contacted one of the family members and asked if they would be willing to do a DNA test. Against her family's wishes she agreed. We took the test and I can now honestly tell you what 'waiting to exhale' really feels like.
The results came back this week and I was literally knocked off of my feet when the test showed that she and I were biological siblings! I didn't know how she would accept the news and gladly I haven't been rejected yet.
So back to the puzzle. Instead of feeling like a random piece excluded from the other puzzle pieces that looked like the picture on the front of the box, I now feel like the puzzle has finally been pieced together. It may not be all rosy from here on out but at least I know I finally fit.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
In a recent sermon, my Pastor talked about being outside the church but had left the keys to open the door in a different location. So he was at a place he was authorized to be in but couldn't gain entrance. Makes you think doesn't it? My new mantra is "Entrance denied to a place I'm authorized to be in is no longer acceptable to me, especially when I have the 'key' (the bible) to get in." Everything we need to live an abundant prosperous life here on earth is by studying God's word.
Have a good green day!
Have a good green day!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Speaking of church, my husband and I completed our new members orientation last night! We will be given a certificate of completion soon. It was the first time in all of my years that any explanation about church has been given. I'm totally enlightened and excited to belong to a church where the Pastor actually cares enough to explain; so many churches don't. Did your church have a new members orientation?