THIS IS ME - FINALLY

It has taken me years to discover who I really am and this is what I've come up with.

I'm not an actress, although I have been performing in a unscripted play since I was five days old. Adoption, secrets and lies created the impersonator I've become. I'm not a singer but my heart cries out in perfect harmony with the chorus of adoptees who choose to moan and hum because words cannot always express the thoughts we share.

I am however, a Conceptualist. I think in the abstract. I create ideas based upon my experiences and the struggles of those around me. I see things as ideational structures that can be made into realizations and do what I can to bring those things to light. That's who I am - finally.

I’ll be the first one to admit I love devotionals. They are the short and sweet way of reading someone else’s interpretation of what God’s says. But do devotionals take us away from actually reading the bible? The bible tells us in 2 Timothy 2:15 King James Version (KJV)  Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 

Not being a bible scholar by any stretch of the imagination, I’ve often wondered how to actually sit down and read and study the bible. While attending a leadership class recently, the instructor put it quite succinctly; with pen, paper, a dictionary, a couple versions of the bible and start reading word for word.

The thing I like about devotionals is that the good ones will lead you to a scripture or two you can read that go along with what’s being discussed. That’s a good start for those of us who don’t know where to start reading the bible. But as we grow in God we should certainly be growing in His word…remember - studying to show ourselves approved.

Devotionals may be the only spiritual word some people may read during the course of the day so I don’t knock them at all just like we may be the only ‘bible’ some people may 'read' during the course of their day. If someone were to ask us about God would we be able to accurately tell them about God’s word or only about what He’s done for us? Telling them that is good but sometimes its not enough.  Proverbs 15:23 tells us ‘A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good  is it! So continue reading the devotionals but let's pick up those dusty bibles first and start reading God's word. Continue to be blessed and more importantly be a blessing. 

I Come To The Garden Alone

 ‘I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses, and the voice I hear falling on my ear, the son of God discloses. And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own and the joy we share as we tarry there none other has ever known.’

These words were written by C. Austin Miles (1868-1946) a pharmacist in a ‘cold, dreary and leaky basement in New Jersey that didn’t even have a window to have a view of a garden according to his great-granddaughter. Can you imagine the depths of despair that brought him to seek God so early that dark dreary morning? Or the joy of knowing a God he could go to anytime he needed to.  Perhaps as a pharmacist he was working on a chemical equation to eventually help millions of people be saved from a catastrophic illness and he wanted to get the formula just right. Maybe there was something going on in his personal life and God was the only one he could turn to that early to talk to.  It could have been he just wanted to thank God for all of the good things he had been blessed with and the dark, dreary basement was the only place he could be alone with his thoughts.

When do I go to my garden? Do I go every day as I should?  Or do I only go to my garden when something is concerning me and I need God’s help? Do I use my metaphorical garden like Santa Claus’ lap at Christmas time hoping God will bring me what I want because I’ve been a good girl long enough to get what I want. Of course God would accept my visit with open arms even if that was the only time I came to visit but He wants me to visit all of the time. He enjoys my company. He loves communing with me. He loves knowing I love being with Him not just when things are bad but when times are good. And when you look at it times are good more often than not.

And while I try to spend as much time as possible acknowledging God’s presence it’s in those precious wee hours of the morning I can spend more time telling Him how much I love Him. I can thank Him for all He’s done. I can ask for all I need. I can give Him all of my cares. I can lay down all of my burdens. I can repent of all of my sins. I can talk about anything I want. It is in my garden I gain my strength and I gather my courage for my day.

Imagine being outside looking at the huge expanse of space God created for us; at that time right before the moon disappears and the sun arises, when you see that single leaf on the tree sway with the slightest breeze that’s when you know God is arranging things for your new day and putting your new mercies in place… isn’t that amazing! Take time to visit your garden. 

Proverbs 8:17 King James Version (KJV)

¹⁷ I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.

also visit www.rosaferguson.com

ACTIVE VS SEDENTARY

For years I have lead a sedentary life...and when I tell you it's been years, literally it's been years, lat least the last 10 years.. terrible I know. I would peruse the internet and social media sites from early morning until time to go to bed. The only breaks would be to use the restroom or to eat. My goal and promise to myself is to become more active. I downloaded the Pacer app on my Smartphone to track the steps I take and so far I'm pretty pleased with the progress I'm making in being more active. Then of course, as fate would have it the days I walk the most I forget to grab my phone. How disappointing to know I didn't log all of my steps. I'd probably be close to the suggested 10,000 steps if I remembered to carry my phone everywhere I go.

So in my quest to be more active I have taken on some projects I may not have considered in the past; I am now the Chairperson of the women's ministry at our church. I am now the Editor-in-Chief of our church's newsletter and I'm still working on several writing projects. My writing keeps me seated in position for a great deal of time so I'm trying to get the activity wherever else I can get it.

Recently my doctor told me I needed to lose at least 50 pounds and activity is the only way I know how (dieting doesn't seem to work for me). Okay so now I've been writing this for the last twenty minutes - I'm losing time to get my activity in!!!

See you in a few days..

Rosa

WELCOME 2015

It seems like 2014 just arrived and here we are almost in 2015.. where did the time go? Some people will be talking about New Year's resolutions. I personally don't make any but I do have some plans in place for the new year. The first thing I plan to do is to quit procrastinating. I have too many incomplete projects to continue allowing myself to get distracted by social media and television. It's a known fact that books don't write themselves!

So what are your plans for the new year? What are you going to do differently or start doing?

My motto for the new year is I WILL STRIVE TO THRIVE IN 2-0-1-5!

"Remember to pray"  

MY TWO MOTHERS

As we come up on Mother's Day and my birthday I think about my two mothers: the one that gave birth and the one that gave life. Unfortunately both are deceased so I feel I have no one to celebrate with. But I do have a lot to celebrate. I relish in the fact that I was given life and that in itself is enough to throw a party!

I grieve for the mother I never got to know. She died almost three years before I was able to find her. Fortunately, she gave me four biological siblings and I pray one day I will have a relationship with them. I grieve for my birth mom for all of my birthdays..she had to feel a sense of loss every year on the day of my birth. On Mother's Day while she was bombarded with handwritten cards and expressions of love she was still sad because there was one homemade Mother's Day card she never got to receive; mine. I grieve for her because someone told her it was better to give me up for adoption than to keep me and suffer the consequences of having a mix raced child.

I celebrate her because she did give me up for adoption and kept me from suffering the consequences of being a mix race child. I celebrate her for having a loving relationship with my sisters and brothers.

I'm angry with her because of all of the attempts made by her or someone close to her who made the decision to keep the details of my birth a secret. Can you imagine what it's like to be a secret? Devastating. I'm angry because she left no details about my father. Who is he? Where is he? Is he deceased as well? Was I born out of love? Finding her brings about so many questions.

I celebrate my adoptive mother for giving me the best life she could. She gave me the chance at having both a mother and a father. She received my handwritten Mother's Day cards, the handkerchiefs, scarves and other trinkets I gave her each year for Mother's Day. I celebrate her because she did her best to allow us to have some semblance of a mother-daughter relationship. I celebrate her because she shaped me into the woman I am today.

I'm angry with her because she didn't make the information she had about my adoption available to me. I don't know how much she knew but I've always thought she knew more than she gave. I'm angry with her because she didn't tell me I was of mixed race. She too is dead leaving me with no mother at all to celebrate Mother's Day with.

I pray my own children will celebrate me on Mother's Day. Have I been the mother I should have been to them? Did I help shape them into the women and men they are today? When I die and leave this earth will my children have good things to say about me or will they be saddened about how I treated them?

Mother's Day and my birthday both leave so many questions, so many unknowns. But I will celebrate Mother's Day anyway. I will throw my own birthday party. I will buy my own cake and blow out candles. I will celebrate life, such as it is...it is still my life.

Have a great green day!

Rosa

I STILL SEE ME

It was 2 weeks ago this afternoon when I received results that would turn my life as I knew it upside down. Not in a bad way but the revelation was made that I wasn't who I thought I was. Or even what I thought I was.

Imagine growing up in an African American family and finding out later that you were bi-racial. The racial make-up isn't important but the fact is that I never got the opportunity to embrace the 'other' side of myself is heartbreaking.

I have always been concerned about mixed children not knowing their 'other' side and have wanted to speak up about it. That could've been a platform for me to become vocal about had I known about myself.

If you have kids that share two or more ethnicities, I implore you to explain about both (or more) sides of themselves: read books, visit museums, take them around people from the other race. Parents have to do more to make their children feel comfortable. Believe you me, if the parents don't explain about the other race, outsiders surely will. People are so opinionated.

I'm off of my soapbox on this subject for now...but I'm sure I'll speak up again.

Have a great green day!

Rosa

FACE IN THE MIRROR

Years and years ago when I thought my lot in life was to become an author who's work would be on every bestseller list available, I wrote a manuscript titled MIRRORED MIRAGE. The story was about a successful woman who had never seen herself in the mirror because she was adopted and had no point of reference. It was based on the fact that when I looked in the mirror I couldn't see me. Because I was adopted and knew nothing about my biological family, I didn't know who I was supposed to look like. Even looking at my own children didn't make it easier to see myself.

For years I heard rumors about a family in my hometown that could be my birth family. But no one would or could substantiate it. I found a person in that family and one day decided to ask her if she would be willing to take a DNA test to clear up the rumors. If the test came back negative I could put the entire issue of that family to rest. To my surprise, she agreed. She was certain the test would come back negative.

Lo and behold this week I received the results and the test proved that we were indeed biological siblings. She was floored, I was floored. But the test is what it is and neither of us can change the fact so its something we have to accept. I am now fortunate enough to have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. Unfortunately, my birth mom died a couple years ago.

I didn't know if anything would be different with the new found knowledge, yet I knew nothing would be the same. What I hadn't counted on was being able to look in the mirror and finally see myself.

PUZZLE PIECED

"There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle." Deepak Chopra

I've always been fascinated by puzzles; finished puzzles. Puzzles became the symbol for my life while I was trying to find my birth family. For 47 years I have searched and searched and searched to no avail. People in the town where I grew up claimed to have sudden amnesia. My adoptive parents died holding on to whatever information they knew. The information on my adoption records had been faked to lead me in the wrong direction. Everything possible was done to keep me from finding my biological family.

Surely God could hear my cries and my petitions to find out who I was. Why wouldn't He answer me? What was He waiting for? When would the time be right? Why was I being made to suffer? Was He punishing me for some misdeeds in my past? The questions were never ending.

Several years ago, I wrote a couple short stories based loosely on my life as an adoptee. Of course, I wrote the books as fictions so I could embellish events. I just knew I was going to become a bestselling author, become rich and famous and my family's lives would be changed for the better for generations to come. Well that didn't happen and again I questioned God. Why did You give me the thoughts I put into the books only to have them sit on my shelf and the shelves of the few people who supported me. 

But God's timing is not my timing and whatever He chooses to do is done in a certain order. A friend of mine read my books early last year or late 2012 and when she finished reading she asked me who was I talking about. I told her 'no one in particular yet everyone, somebody, and anybody. When I told her the stories had elements of my life she said "We are going to find your birth mother." I thought to myself 'yeah, yeah, yeah' how many times have I heard that before? I thought about the tens of thousands of dollars I spent over the years searching only to come up short every time.

She called me from time to time with data she found based on a few things I heard through the years. I took notes and those notes ended up on my desk where things seem to disappear in the clutter (one day I'm going to clean out my desk). I listened politely as she gave me detail after detail about who she thought was my family. I told her my birth mother had been 19 years of age when I was born and she perused the internet until she found someone of that age, in the family I heard I was born into.

Fast forward to just recently. I contacted one of the family members and asked if they would be willing to do a DNA test. Against her family's wishes she agreed. We took the test and I can now honestly tell you what 'waiting to exhale' really feels like.

The results came back this week and I was literally knocked off of my feet when the test showed that she and I were biological siblings! I didn't know how she would accept the news and gladly I haven't been rejected yet.

So back to the puzzle. Instead of feeling like a random piece excluded from the other puzzle pieces that looked like the picture on the front of the box, I now feel like the puzzle has finally been pieced together. It may not be all rosy from here on out but at least I know I finally fit.

KEYS

In a recent sermon, my Pastor talked about being outside the church but had left the keys to open the door in a different location. So he was at a place he was authorized to be in but couldn't gain entrance. Makes you think doesn't it? My new mantra is "Entrance denied to a place I'm authorized to be in is no longer acceptable to me, especially when I have the 'key' (the bible) to get in." Everything we need to live an abundant prosperous life here on earth is by studying God's word. 

Have a good green day!

Rosa

WOMEN'S MINISTRY

I told you how much I loved the Olympics right? Right! I'm so sad it's over. However, I did enjoy watching the opening ceremony for the paraolympics. Missing the Olympics made me come up with an idea! Our women's ministry (Wings of Faith) at church is hosting the Rallying For Christ Olympics! We will have several 'get to know you' games and the participants will earn points. The woman with the most points will be our gold medal winner. We will also have silver and bronze medal winners. We have additional prizes that will given throughout the event. How clever is that? What types of activities has your women's group done lately? Please share!

Speaking of church, my husband and I completed our new members orientation last night! We will be given a certificate of completion soon. It was the first time in all of my years that any explanation about church has been given. I'm totally enlightened and excited to belong to a church where the Pastor actually cares enough to explain; so many churches don't. Did your church have a new members orientation?

JUNKIE

I am an Olympic junkie. There I said it...I finally admitted it. I love both the Summer and Winter games; it doesn't matter. I love seeing people who have trained so hard to do whatever sport they participate in finally get to compete at on the biggest stage ever. It has to be an amazing feeling to show off what you do well in front of millions.

I am an Olympic opening ceremony junkie. There I said it...I finally admitted it. All of them are fabulous but my top 2 are from the 2008 in Beijing and the 2014 in Sochi. Absolutely loved them. In fact I want a 55" or larger television by the time the next Olympics roll around.

Now that I've admitted my addiction, I'm off to watch...yup you guessed it...the Olympics! Congratulations to all of the United States medalists and good luck to the athletes yet to compete!

Have a great green day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I just wanted to tell all of you to have a happy day of love! I love you all! Have a good green day....

Not Keeping A Promise Is A Lie

July 13, 2013 was the last time I posted anything after promising myself I would be more active on this blog...but you all know how it is; we get busy, we forget, life gets in the way and all kind of things take place keeping us from what we set out to do. I remember years ago when my now deceased mother told me 'people will make time to do what they want to do'. She was right. If I wanted to go shopping, I would go, if I wanted to go out to eat, I would make the time and if I wanted to go to the movies, the time would be available. Whatever I WANT to do, I will always make time for. So did that mean I didn't want to update my blog on a regular basis? Not necessarily. Did it mean I didn't know what to blog about? Probably. Did I forget the password to get into the blog? YES! I told you life gets in the way!

Actually, I spent a lot of time trying to decide on the focus of my blog. I've looked at other blog sites and the owners seem to be so organized in their thinking and their subject matter while I find myself kind of scattered all over the board. Do I want to do a fashion blog? Hmmm. Sounds exciting but I'm not into having a picture taken of me in the OOTD everyday. Do I want to blog about food? As much as I love to eat I don't think I want to share photos of every plate of food I prepare for myself. Blog about celebrities? Absolutely not! Books? No. Redecorating my house? Need to start decorating to do that. You get the point, I just don't know what to talk about everyday.

But another thing my mother told me years ago was 'not keeping a promise is the same thing as a lie'. So if I have a blog..then I should blog..about something..about anything..just keep blogging until the focus becomes clear. If I don't want to keep up with this site then I should get rid of it right? Well I'm not prepared to give it up completely so today, February 10, 2013, I WILL blog more. I WILL talk about something even if it's just to say hello to all of you.

So today..hello to all of you!!!

Have a good green day!

Rosa

BACK TO SCHOOL

I attended the Back To School Night celebration at my church last night and was reminded of times past when I was preparing my 4 children to go back to school. The end of summer was bittersweet: gone soon would be the days where the kids could sleep late, not have to dress up everyday, play and have fun with their friends. But gone also would be my freedom from worrying about them not having enough to do to keep them busy all day while I was working. As I watched the students last night enthusiastically gearing up for school to start I started praying for them to be able to attend school without the added pressure of a deranged student coming into the building dead set on hurting or killing the unsuspecting. I started praying that the leaders of our schools would have the best interest of the students at heart. I prayed for the parents to be patient with their kids as they struggled through some of their classes, peer pressure, bullying and for them to have enough money to clothe, feed their kids and provide whatever is needed for their kids to get the best education possible.

Do I miss my kids not being in school..absolutely not. While those things I mentioned above weren't at issue when they were young there are still things that as a parent I worry about. I pray for God to keep them safe from all hurt, harm and danger; seen and unseen. I pray for them a stress free life. I pray for their lives and the lives of their children, my grandchildren.

I urge all of you to keep our youth lifted up in prayer since they are our future.

THE BIBLE: A SOUVENIR?

THE BIBLE: A SOUVENIR?

How many of us through the years have purchased souvenirs only to leave them sitting on our shelves and hanging in our closets never to be seen and appreciated?  The purpose of buying those items was to have the ability to continually revisit a time and place that brought us joy.  I recently read a magazine article advising that we should use the coffee mugs to drink out of and use the seashells as paperweights so we could see them regularly.  I was reminded to wear the many tee shirts purchased through the years so I could remember the places  I've visited.  My daughter recently traveled throughout Europe for several weeks and wondered if she was sharing too many pictures on Facebook. By nature humans are voyagers, we like looking at other people's pictures.  For some, my daughter's pictures would be the only way they would journey to a world beyond their imagination.  For others, those pictures would be reminders of places they've been or where their families immigrated from.  There are those who don’t realize there are other places to go and our pictures and souvenirs give them the hope that they too can travel to unknown places. 

How many of us have bibles resting on our shelves, never opened, only dusted on the weekends when we do our weekly chores?  How many of us know that the bible contains God’s promises of a time and a place where we’ll know only joy?  How many of us know that Heaven is the place we want to reside?  We only know if our bible is torn, tattered and marked up.  If not, our bible looks like it did the first day it was given to us or the day we first bought it; a souvenir.  Now don’t do your bible like we used to do our tennis shoes back in grade school.  When we wanted them to look worn we purposely scuffed and dirtied them up to make them look like they had gotten a lot of wear. Nowadays, kids don’t want to be seen in anything that looks old!  And we should no longer be satisfied with a bible that looks new! True story...I had a friend who visited thrift shops and estate sales to find old bibles so she'd have a bible that looked like she read it often!

Imagine having your first cup of coffee or tea of the day in a mug you brought home from a place like Hawaii. or in my daughter's case, Greece (and other places I would love to visit). Not only does the tea seem to taste better but the memory of a place so beautiful is enough to help sustain us through the day. Wearing a piece of jewelry that was bought by you or for you from a faraway place is enough to bring back the memories of that

special time.  I've visited people whose homes are filled with knickknacks or as some people call them; dust catchers.  Sometimes you may hear those same collectors complaining about all of the dusting they have to do. Why then would they buy those kinds of items?  And perhaps they should tell their friends to stop buying those kinds of souvenirs.  But since you have them, dust them and keep it moving!  Your bible SHOULD BE be dusted if it sits on the shelf all day, every day.  

Think of how refreshing your day would be if you started it off reading a scripture each morning! In 365 days your bible would not only look like you've been using it but your knowledge of what God has for you will increase exponentially. Have a great green day!

2 Timothy 2:15 KJV 15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

                

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

MY NEW ADDICTION

While perusing pinterest.com last night I ran across this quote. How apropos! I have to admit I'm a pinning fanatic..does that make me a pinhead? lol! I'm trying to be facetious but this is so true.

.

This is my daily thought! What are you pinning?

WELCOME TO MY FRONT DOOR (PART 2)

Those who follow my blog know that I've been in quite a quandary about remodeling my home. I think it's pretty much settled that the kitchen will be my starting point. The rest of the house will be done to coordinate with the kitchen. I'm staying true to my love of green but in varying shades. The kitchen below kind of sets the mood I'm trying to achieve.

Now to get to this look would require painting my cabinets or having them refaced. It's funny how pinterest.com makes me think I'm capable of painting cabinets! 

What do you think about this look?

RAISING WHITLEY

Raising Whitley premieres April 20, 2013 on the OWN network. 

10/9c

#RaisingWhitley

(my daughter Samantha Cha is in the back row wearing the hat!)

DEAR BODY